There are many different kinds of Conflict.  The kind I am most concerned with is that Conflict between individuals when your wishes differ from another person.  How do you usually respond to such situations?

Kenneth Thomas in The Handbook of Industrial and Organizational Psychology outlined some models for Conflict Resolution.  His solutions were found using some different styles people employ in conflict situations.  He listed five “conflict-handling modes.”

1.       COMPETING

2.       COLLABORATING

3.       COMPROMISING

4.       AVOIDING

5.       ACCOMMODATING

COMPETING:  Assertive and uncooperative.  An individual pursues his/her own concerns at the other person’s expense.  This is a power oriented mode.  This mode can also be used to stand up for one’s rights.

COLLABORATING:  Assertive and cooperative.  This mode involves an attempt to work with the other person to find some solution which fully satisfies the concerns of both persons.  This might require exploring a disagreement to see it with the other persons insight.

COMPROMISING:  Intermediate in both assertiveness and cooperation.  The objective in this mode is to find some mutually acceptable solution which partially satisfies both parties.  Compromising is splitting the difference or seeking a quick middle-ground situation.

AVOIDING:  Unassertive and uncooperative.  Avoiding takes the form of side-stepping an issue, postponing until a better time or simply withdrawing from a threatening situation.

ACCOMMODATING:  Unassertive and cooperative.  This mode is the opposite of Competing.  It might take the form of selfless generosity, obeying one’s order when you would prefer not to, or yielding to another’s point of view.  The person neglects his/her own concerns to satisfy the concerns of another person.

WHAT TO USE…WHEN?

COMPETING:  When quick, decisive action is vital. On important issues where unpopular courses of action need implementing.  To protect yourself against people who take advantage of non-competitive behavior.

COLLABORATING:  To find an integrative solution when both sets of concerns are too important to be compromised.  To work through hard feelings which have been interfering with an interpersonal relationship.

COMPROMISING:  When goals are moderately important, but not worth the effort or potential disruption of more assertive modes.  When power is equal and both are committed to mutually exclusive goals.  Use as a back-up when competition or collaboration fail.

AVOIDING:  Use when an issue is trivial.  When you perceive no chance of satisfying your concerns.  When the potential damage of confronting outweighs the benefits of its resolution.

ACCOMMODATING:  When you realize that you are wrong.  When an issue is much more important to the other person than to yourself.  When preserving harmony and avoiding disruptions are important.

To Reduce Tension: C.L.E.A.R.

From Ted Drier (Pres. Career Development Services)

C     CONFLICT ANALYSIS

        What are the reasons the anger is being vented on you?

L     LISTEN

        What are the feelings behind the words that are being said?

E     EMPATHIZE

        Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.

A     ASK QUESTIONS

        Ask open-ended questions to collect information.

R     RESPOND

        Respond when the time seems right.